I don't know when exactly it started, but it started last night.
I can't pinpoint the moment, I can't remember what it was someone said, or if it was something I saw, or heard, or read.
I just know I no longer believe.
I don't believe in anything, but I believe in everything.
That's confusing, I know.
What I mean is that there is so much to believe in, so much to learn, so much to discover, that it's hard to say that I have learned enough about the cosmos to say I can believe in anything at all.
I don't know a fraction of what is out there. There are so many theories about existence that we humans have drummed up, and yet I'm sure that there are thousands more that we are not intelligent enough nor knowledgeable enough to even comprehend, let alone imagine.
So how can I, just one human, say that I believe that the universe is any "way" at all? What do I know?
So no, I don't "believe" in anything. I believe in everything.
Everything is possible, however unlikely it may be.
If we "believe", then we are not allowing ourselves the ability to expand our minds, to move to new horizons, because that belief keeps us from thinking that there is more.
And wow, is there ever MORE.
We haven't even made sense of everything on our own planet, let alone figured out any of the others in our solar system. And THAT even is just a smudge in the vastness of the Milky Way galaxy, which is but a snowflake among the millions of other galaxies in the universe.
You say you "believe" in something, in just one way that things MUST operate in the universe? Well, what about everything else you don't even know about yet? Are you going to believe differently when you find out?
Not me. I don't believe in any one thing, or even all of the things I do know about. All I want to do is learn. It may take many lifetimes to do it, millenia in fact, or this might be my only shot at doing it, this lifetime alone.
If I have to say that I do "believe" in something, because it's the only way my mind can articulate the thought of what I have yet to learn, then I say I believe in everything, every possibility. And I can't see allowing any other person to tell me that there is only one answer, the one that they proclaim is "the truth", because as far as I know, no human yet has been able to say that they know that thing called "everything".
My mind is going to stay open, free to explore and understand all the possibilities, before I ever say that I "believe".
It's a very tall order, one that I may never achieve, this "learn everything", but, I think it's better than believing.
Because then, I will know, and I will not have to "believe".